MY LITTLE ANTAGONIST

Each lead role has its villain. Each protagonist has its antagonist. Whether it may be in the field of extraordinary beings possessing incredible strength and power like Superman whose wrecker is Lex Luther; or the night hero the Batman whose tormentor was the Joker; to the all time favorite fairytale; Ariel with her octopus Aunt Ursula and Snow White with her uncontented jealous stepmother; even in the thick pages of the book, the chemistry of the troublemaker versus the peace advocate still exist.



I coud not help but smile as I somehow could realte to this typical scenario. I knew of someone whom I considered to be a villain each time we meet. I view her as someone who seemed to be fascinated to see me having a hard time figuring things out. She likes to be treated as someone special, royel to be exact, and I am her faithful servant bowing for her courtesy. I could already feel that Cinderella and I would share the same fate. This seems to be out of hand. You might wonder who this being is. She is my tutee. A ten- year old ( she’s still nine when I wrote this) grade four pupil studying at a Chinese School; having her own yaya, with a fully-airconditioned room bigger than our kitchen; and who always speaks English.



She often brags her new things to me. “I have bought a new pair of shoes, its crocs. It’s worth P3, 350.00. It’s really expensive right? I also bought a new pair of rubber shoes. It’s Nike and costs us P 3, 094.” Aside from bragging, she also took a liking on comparing her new things from mine. “Can I borrow your ball pen? How much is this? What? It is only P9.00? (Its faber castell, one of my favorite pen) mines more beautiful and expensive. It cost P30.00 each, then I have three, and bought it in National Bookstore, not just anywhere”.



See what I mean? She criticizes my cheap bag. She disrelishes my handwriting. She does not like my hair cut. She dislikes my sense of fashion. Etc.etc.etc…

An epitome of a jubilant rich creature whose sense of criticism does not escape her prying eyes!



After all those scrutinization and criticism portion during our tutorial sessions, she often end up frustrated. She assumes me to fight back and defend myself, not just keep silent and stay cool as she went on her role as a tormentor. Lucky for her I got paid and it would not be pleasing to look at a teenager ( I'm still 20 ^^), trying to pull the hair of a 10 year old girl, grabbing her neck; letting her cry till blood runs out in her eyes, and telling her to respect me. or, secretly put broken glasses inside her shoes that through the pain of each step, she mortify for her sins. How drastic!


But despite the fact of this kid's unusual ways of dealing with me, still has her soft side. After she does her critical analysis to me for that day, she would hug me, and try to draw an innocent smile which signals that those were just her ways of showing her care and affection to me. What a peculiar child my tutee is. My tutee, whom I branded to be my "little antagonist".

THE FOREST

Lost in a desolate country,

I travelled far to find

what only you could give me ---

the equal heart and mind

that answer love in kind

And now while you lie sleeping,

awake but not alone,

I made this midnight blessing,

because the years have grown

to truths beyond your own

The heart can blaze with candour

as though it housed a star;

but this my midnight splendour

is not my own to wear:

it lights by what you are.

INEQUITY

Up until know I am not yet immune to his attitude. It’s been a year and a month since we formally realized our relationship with each other. However, the fact still remains that I am still in pain every time he throws unpleasant words at me. Every time he does it, I would always have this feeling that how would I be able to cope up with such attitude if ever I’ll be sharing myself with him for the rest of my life? Yes, I love him, but each harsh words that he’s throwing at me may it be intentional or unintentional (he always say that it doesn’t have a meaning at all) still hit me right through the core. And I bleed because of that one. I bleed because the one person that I love most could easily throwWORDS which I didn’t even heard from my parents. How ironic!

He says sorry. Yes, he often does, but those SORRYs still remain just as words. Yes, he says that it is a struggle for him to contain his attitude like that, but, I don’t know. He could have found a way to at least be a bit softer to me. But he’s not. He is not that type of person. I even envy other people. When it comes to them, he can always calm himself, but when it comes to me, he is like a wild boar, ready to devour me up to pieces with latigo of words that send me to hell! Painful, very painful. Sometimes I would think that I am like a SPOONGE. He let me absorb all the bad energies that he has. When his pissed off with someone or something, and if I consult him, we end up fighting. Little things that does not goes with his plan, he grumbles; and when I am there when he grumbles.. BANG! I get a lot of awards! He may see me smiling and accepting his reason and explanation behind such attitude, but, deep inside me, the sore still exists. And it continues to exist; contaminating my whole heart like a cancer on the loose!

I don’t know. A simple sorry from him, and all my anger against him would automatically melt. Is this martyrdom? I am always willing to accept everything that he wants me to do; all too willing to bend my knees on him and praise him, worship him, up to the point of being a slave for him. Is this LOVE? Could be, it could be not.