Up until know I am not yet immune to his attitude. It’s been a year and a month since we formally realized our relationship with each other. However, the fact still remains that I am still in pain every time he throws unpleasant words at me. Every time he does it, I would always have this feeling that how would I be able to cope up with such attitude if ever I’ll be sharing myself with him for the rest of my life? Yes, I love him, but each harsh words that he’s throwing at me may it be intentional or unintentional (he always say that it doesn’t have a meaning at all) still hit me right through the core. And I bleed because of that one. I bleed because the one person that I love most could easily throwWORDS which I didn’t even heard from my parents. How ironic!
He says sorry. Yes, he often does, but those SORRYs still remain just as words. Yes, he says that it is a struggle for him to contain his attitude like that, but, I don’t know. He could have found a way to at least be a bit softer to me. But he’s not. He is not that type of person. I even envy other people. When it comes to them, he can always calm himself, but when it comes to me, he is like a wild boar, ready to devour me up to pieces with latigo of words that send me to hell! Painful, very painful. Sometimes I would think that I am like a SPOONGE. He let me absorb all the bad energies that he has. When his pissed off with someone or something, and if I consult him, we end up fighting. Little things that does not goes with his plan, he grumbles; and when I am there when he grumbles.. BANG! I get a lot of awards! He may see me smiling and accepting his reason and explanation behind such attitude, but, deep inside me, the sore still exists. And it continues to exist; contaminating my whole heart like a cancer on the loose!
I don’t know. A simple sorry from him, and all my anger against him would automatically melt. Is this martyrdom? I am always willing to accept everything that he wants me to do; all too willing to bend my knees on him and praise him, worship him, up to the point of being a slave for him. Is this LOVE? Could be, it could be not.
No comments:
Post a Comment